Went to the shop today and continued to sort 20th century 10pt into a California case. It was just Aimee and I today. We listened to some music and had pretty heavy talks with lots of humor. It was really nice and I felt pretty human. Here's a pick of where I left off
When we finished up at the shop I made a b-line to Drexel Hill for Cut-throat Pollyanna. It was good seeing everybody, even for a little while. There were some folks who weren't there but, there always are these days. I guess the crew is getting more adult, busier, just moving on. It's all for good things like love and babies but, I can't help feeling a little sad.
The reason I could only stay briefly was I took a double commitment at an A.A. meeting downtown. I'm making the coffee and greeting every Sunday for the month. It's not glamorous but, it's still service and I need that in my life.
I arrived 10 minutes later then I would have liked to because of an accident on 76, so I was a little rushed. Not the rushed, frantic, crazy that has been a staple of my whole life, more of a quickening to purpose. That was a nice surprise. I just did what I need to do and didn't worry about it. I guess I'm working some shit out.
So I found out on the way over that a dear friend of mine was the speaker. She shared her story. It was good to hear it all put together in order. I knew most of it because we are friends but, I feel like that's exactly why we sometimes miss the big picture about the folks we love. We never get to hear it all together.
When she was done speaking I felt moved by gratitude. See she is the one who really pushed me to get my first sponsor. She has a very special place in my heart.
And I said most of that in front of the room with tears rolling down my face.
Now this is incredibly hard for me to do. I touched on this stuff in a previous post here and here. From the former entry the line "I am incredibly insecure the minute I feel vulnerable" hold so true right now. From the latter "I'm becoming vulnerable and that is so terrifying to me" sums it up nicely.
It's 7 hours later and I still feel a little insecure and a whole lot of vulnerable. I need to do this kind of thing though. I need to own who I am, without apology. I'm working on it but, boy, is this going to take a while.
I think that's it. I spoke with a few people after the meeting and headed back to the party for a little bit. Talked to a friend on the phone and am now writing to the aether.
One thing I did forget, I met a couple more folks who do letterpress in the past couple of days and one women in particular may be helping out in the shop. Aimee has to meet her first but she seems pretty awesome so far. Hooray for more hands.
That's it really, all sorted.